Dear Marcy,
Chronic pain: YUK! I have limited experience of this. But I
did once
crack a couple of ribs (tried to get off tram while reading
Amy Tan's
The Kitchen God's Wife, tripped on pothole & came down
flat on chest -
fortunately the traffic was just waiting for the lights to
change so I
didn't get run over as well) and while I coped with the
pain OK for
the first few weeks there came a point where I'd simply had
enough.
ENOUGH! TAKE IT AWAY!! Tears, fury, why can't someone DO
something
about all this?
In my case, all that was needed was time and patience.
You're dealing
with much more - serious injuries, full-on physiotherapy
etc. From time
to time it's just going to be TOO MUCH. (Where did all
these capital
letters come from? My partner & I just demolished a v
nice bottle of
red wine, that's where.) But you are an energetic,
determined, well-
informed woman and you are going to deal with this as well
as anyone
deals with it.
If the pain persists, there are all sorts of therapies to
explore.
Acupuncture. Massage. Meditation. Sooner or later, the pain
will
diminish and you'll get back to normal life (revised
version). I just
wish I could drop by with another bottle of red to cheer you
up in the
meantime. I don't suppose you're planning to attend the
Netherlands
gathering?
Caroline
PS 8.5 months? Pur-lease. Whose calculation was that? Is
that an average
or a minimum or a maximum or a mean? I'm sorry - I
don't believe
them. You just carry on healing for as long as you like.
M. Manning writes:
>
>
>
> From: M. Manning <manningm_at_MINDSPRING.COM>
Date: Thu Mar 30 2006 -
> 00:30:04 EST
>
>
>
>
> Hi all!
>
> Last week, I graduated from going to PT for leg
therapy. While I
> realize that is good news, I'm not fully healed. In my
darker moments,
> I fear that I'll always have this level of pain. In
better moments,
> I'm more hopeful.
>
> I am not finished with PT really. I have to do a lot at
home and I
> still have to go for occupational therapy on my right
hand, starting
> in about a week. I do wish they'd tapered off the PT
appointments
> instead of abruptly stopping them. I asked them if that
was possible,
> but they said no, it wasn't how they did things.
>
> I recall feeling, after bc treatments, the same
lost-in-the-woods
> feeling. I knew then and I know now that it's a good
thing to graduate
> from one level to another. But the PT people were so
good and kind,
> and I liked everyone there. I was watched over and
understood by
> people working there and by other patients, and it had
a vaguely
> social component to it, on top of the fact that the
whole place
> seemed, good- naturedly, to be working together to help
everyone.
>
> There's a let-down. Also, there's fear. Now that
I've come so far in
> terms of mobility but still have so much pain, I'm
scared. Today, the
> father of a guy down the street was telling me how he
had both knees
> broken about 20-30 years ago. Compensating for the
knees ruined his
> ankles, and then it got so that he could no longer
work. He talked
> about accepting the limitations.
>
> I was lucky (once) to be strong and able-bodied.
Everyone sees me as
> such a strong person (and I am, in a way, in that I
work really hard
> and do whatever I have to do; I cope). But inside, I'm
scared. None of
> us is owed anything on this planet, not the slightest
thing perhaps.
> If we're lucky enough to be alive, we cope with
everything else. I do
> miss living without pain, with effortless motion.
>
> They tell me I'll continue to heal for another 8.5
months, and then I
> get the feeling I'm stuck with whatever level of pain
and/or
> disability is left over at that juncture. The PT on
Friday did assure
> me that I'd heal a lot more, that I wouldn't always
have this level of
> pain. But how much will it decrease? Not 100%, in all
likelihood (that
> much they've told me); I'll probably always have
pain. Will it go down
> 50%? 30%? 80%? I don't get the feeling that anyone
knows.
>
> I still feel as though I have lots of pain and pressure
always around
> my knees. They say I can remove the metal via surgery
at some point if
> it's bothering me. But I don't want more surgery and
I don't trust
> that surgery will necessarily make things better, since
it isn't clear
> that it's the metal causing the pain. They had to deal
with a massive
> amount of tissue damage from the accident, and the doc
who operated
> had to damage more tissue in order to repair the bone
breaks (he did
> as little as possible, but still....).
>
> I did venture out to a couple of larger gatherings last
weekend and I
> did ok. I'm still working full-time, so I'm coping
there too.
>
> But behind and beyond the coping is the pain and the
fear, mostly of
> the pain. Pain is rough. I don't really know very well
how to explain
> how much this affects me. I guess I'm still at an
intermediary phase
> and I have fears about what my life will be like.
>
> At the same time, I'm restless. For what, I don't
know. I don't seem
> to be able to think clearly about what would make
things better or
> what would make me happy. As I did with bc, I wonder
why I was saved
> and allowed to continue to live, wonder if there's
something I'm
> "supposed" to accomplish in whatever life I
have left, wonder if I'm
> already doing it or if refinements are in order.
>
> I feel a bit as though I've been nudged out of the
nest and told,
> "Cope. Deal with it." Most people deal with
me as though I'm fully
> well, so that feels weird, when I'm not fully well. I
know they mean
> well; they want me to be well. I feel a bit as though
I'm
> disappointing people to say, "Well, actually,
pain is a huge problem."
> The people on this list have been the biggest help to
me in the
> emotional realm of dealing with this. I think everyone
who's been
> through bc has a sense of the life- changingness of it,
of the gap
> between what others say and what's really happening.
So people here
> GET IT. I'm grateful for my doctors and PTs, but right
now, the
> majority of the time, I'm on my own. I realize that
the professionals
> have a whole new batch of newly injured people to whom
to tend. So I'm
> nudged out the door or the nest, and I don't think
they realize how
> abrupt it all feels.
>
> They said I'm ready for the world. I look ready. But I
don't fully
> feel ready.
>
> Love,
>
> Marcy
>
>
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> Received on Thu Mar 30 00:33:04 2006
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G'day Caroline,
On Fri, 2006-03-31 at 05:15 -0500, Caroline Williamson
wrote:
> Chronic pain: YUK! I have limited experience of this.
But I did once
> crack a couple of ribs (tried to get off tram while
reading Amy Tan's
> The Kitchen God's Wife, tripped on pothole & came
down flat on chest -
I'm reading that book now, as a matter of fact.
> fortunately the traffic was just waiting for the lights
to change so I
> didn't get run over as well) and while I coped with
the pain OK for
> the first few weeks there came a point where I'd
simply had enough.
> ENOUGH! TAKE IT AWAY!! Tears, fury, why can't someone
DO something
> about all this?
This was me during that time period where over the course of
several
months I managed to break several ribs. I'd just recover
from one series
of breaks and break another two. I really did get to
breaking point a
few times as I'd just had ENOUGH.
> I just
> wish I could drop by with another bottle of red to
cheer you up in the
> meantime. I don't suppose you're planning to attend
the Netherlands
> gathering?
Yeah, lets all drop by Marcy's place with wine to fortify
her. What a
great plan!!
> PS 8.5 months? Pur-lease. Whose calculation was that?
Is that an average
> or a minimum or a maximum or a mean? I'm sorry - I
don't believe
> them. You just carry on healing for as long as you
like.
I agree. Don't be ruled by arbitrary dates. People heal
at very
different rates.
Love and Hugs to All,
Gaelyne
--
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