Just finished changing may article to integrate the proposed
changes.
The newest version is available at http://myhpi.de/~ni
colai/GSoC.pdf as usual.
The only issue I had problems with was the stacking of
figures. Latex arranges the figures where it likes to and
every change on the text may influence their positions. If
also depends on the paper size (A4 instead of letter looks
much better) where the figures are placed.
I am a novice in latex, perhaps one may told me how to avoid
the problems illustrated in mo-16.
Regards
Johannes
PS: If the somebody likes to have the latex sources and / or
the figures in Star Office format, please tell me.
-----Ursprüngliche Nachricht-----
Von: security-discuss-bounces opensolaris.org im Auftrag
von Michelle Olson
Gesendet: Do 24.08.2006 01:27
An: security-discussopensolaris.org
Betreff: [security-discuss] [cross-post]Re: Article about
Solaris privilegesand general and
Hi Johannes,
I'm cross-posting these comments, somehow your thread post
was lost by mailman on the docs-discuss list, so I post my
feedback here as well:
I have read your excellent article describing your google
summer of code project. I really think the document is
well-written and organized. I also like the graphical
elements, they really help to describe the problem and
limitations that you solved through your hard work. Thanks
so much for sending this around, my comments are below
(mostly editorial feedback, but some questions also).
If others agree, we can post this on the docs community, or
on the muskoka project we could host the document file--it
is a nice design specification for how privileges may be
expanded in future and indicates how user documentation will
be impacted when the changes are committed, and also how
this work can be expanded in future phases. Again, great
work!!
If others on this list are reviewing the document, please
chime in with your progress so Johannes will know when to
expect more feedback. Here's mine:
mo-1 In the abstract, third sentence, change 'This article
tries to provide' to 'This article provides'
mo-2 In the abstract, second to last sentence, change,
'Later on, examples how' to 'Later on, examples of how'
mo-3 Section 1, Introduction, Third paragraph, first
sentence 'The concrete task in my project was to introduce
new basic privileges in order to be able to better control
process'es access to resources'. This sentence is a bit
awkward, and because it is so important to the document, I
think it would benefit the reader to reword it for clarity.
I suggest something like: My project introduced new
'basic' privileges that enable better control over how
processes access resources. The word 'how' in the above
sentence might be better replaced by 'what, when or
where', but it is easier to read without the possesive form
of the word processes. If you do use the plural possessive,
I believe processes' is the correct form. You might
consider changing process'es to processes' throughout the
document. Also, the term OpenSolaris is a trademarked term,
so it should always appear as one word and the first
instance of the term should be followed by a TM symbol.
mo-4, Section 1, Introduction, Fourth paragraph, I suggest
re-structuring the second sentence as follows , for
readability: 'This behavior is wished for processes that
require access to global libraries and configuration files,
but require none of the following:
1. reliance on their associated user ID
2. reliance on their associated group membership
3. working with files that have limited access (cannot be
accessed by everybody)
mo-5 Section 1, Introduction, last paragrpaph, change 'This
article intends to' to 'This article intends to do the
following:' Then, use a capital letter at the beginning of
each bullet item.
mo-6, Section 2, Third sentence, remove the word 'So' at
the beginning of the sentence.
mo-7 Section 2, Fourth sentence, change 'needs' to
'need'.
mo-8 Section 2, second paragraph, change 'This changes in
the moment,' to 'This becomes a problem in the moment'.
mo-8.5 Section 2, second paragraph, change
'unexperienced' to 'inexperienced' and end that same
sentence after the words 'vulnerable process'. Then, begin
a new sentence as follows: 'The availability of the
vulnerable process is then made to do everything the
intruder wants it to do.' Splitting up this long sentence
into two makes it easier to understand.
mo-9 Section 2, fourth paragraph, 'are still hard coded'.
I believe it is less secure to have the actions you refer to
here as hard-coded, but it isn't clear from this sentence.
Could you remove the dash and change 'they are possible in
any case' to say 'Actions may be expoited in any case' to
make this more clear?
mo-10 Section 2, after Figure 1, change 'that columns' to
'that column'
mo-11 Section3, first paragraph, change 'Diagram 1' to
'Figure 1'. You might consider changing this throughout
the document because it is confusing for the reader to have
references in the text that don't match the figure title.
mo-12 Section 3, Second paragraph, change 'diagram 3' to
'Figure 2'
mo-13, footnote 7, change 'require applying' to 'requires
applying'
mo-14, I really appreciate the diagrams you created, they
are excellent and really help to understand the concepts you
describe.
mo-15, Section5, second paragraph, change 'chose' to
'choose'. Chose is past-tense, so I think you want choose
instead.
mo-16, Section5, diagrams 10, 11, and 12. I suggest moving
these diagrams closer to the text that describes them,
rather than stack them together. I had some difficulty
finding the right diagram to refer to while I was reading
the text int his section.
mo-17, Section 5, second to last paragraph, I really
appreciate that you describe the changes to file system
drivers, documentation and man pages implied by your
proposed changes, this brings a holistic view to the
project, great job!
mo-18 Section 6, numbered list, use initial capitalization
for these sentences.
mo-19, Section 6, second paragraph after Figure 15, change
'The other left problems' to 'The other leftover
problems'
mo-20 Appendix A, second paragraph, change
'authentification' to 'authentication'
mo-21, Appendix A, footnote 17, change 'likely that you
fully understand' to 'likely that you could fully
understand'
mo-22, Appendix A, paragraph two, change 'To protect
against this kind of attacks' to 'To protect against these
kinds of attacks'.
mo-23, Appendix B, the first sentence states 'nine
privileges', but in your policy.c snippet, I see only 8
items.
mo-24, Appendix B, first paragraph after policy.c, change
'self explaining' to 'self explanatory'
mo-25, Appendix C, first sentence, change text to the
following: If you 'would' like to change a file system
driver in order to support the new privileges explained in
Section 5, two options exist, depending on whether your
driver is already conformant to Solaris 10 privileges or
not.
That's it, great job again, excellent document! I'm glad
the documentation community was useful in your project, if
there are links to other resources we should add to our
pool, please do let us know.
Regards,
Michelle
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