Permission to publish article

To Whom It May Concern:

I am executive assistant to Mr. Alan Hess, author of the
copyrighted article
"If Airlines Sold Paint" originally published in
Travel Weekly in October of
1998.  Since that time, the "Paint" satire has
been widely circulated on the
Internet, without any citation of authorship.  Mr. Hess is
flattered that
you like his work well enough to include it on your website.

When he has been asked for permission to print it in various
publications,
including university text books, Mr. Hess has freely given
that permission.
If you wish to continue to use the article, please include
the following
citation:  

Printed with permission.  C Alan H. Hess, 1998.  All rights
reserved.

Thank you,

Stacy Hoeksel

Assistant to Alan H. Hess

stacyhesstravel.com

The correct text of the satire is as follows:

If airlines sold paint

Buying paint from a hardware store

Customer:             Hi, how much is your paint?

Clerk:                     We have regular quality for $12 a
gallon and
premium for $18.  How many gallons would you like?

Customer:             Five gallons of regular quality,
please.

Clerk:                     Great.  That will be $60 plus
tax.

Buying paint from an airline

Customer:             Hi, how much is your paint?

Clerk:                     Well, sir, that all depends.

Customer              Depends on what?

Clerk:                     Well, actually a lot of things.

Customer:             How about just giving me an average
price?

Clerk:                     Wow, that's just too hard a
question.  The lowest
price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 prices up to about
$200 a gallon.

Customer:             What's the difference in the paint?

Clerk:                     Oh, there isn't any difference;
it's all the same
paint.

Customer:             Well then, I'd like some of that $9
paint.

Clerk:                     Well, first I need to ask you a
few questions.
When do you intend to use it?

Customer:             I want to paint tomorrow on my day
off.

Clerk:                     Sir, the paint for tomorrow is
the $200 paint.

Customer:             What?  When would I have to paint in
order to get the
$9 version?

Clerk:                     That would be in three weeks, but
you will also
have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week
and continue
painting until at least Sunday.  

Customer:             You've got to be kidding!

Clerk:                     Sir, we don't kid around here. 
Of course, I'll
have to check to see if we have any of that paint available
before I can
sell it to you.

Customer:             What do you mean check to see if you
can sell it to
me? You have shelves full of the stuff; I can see it right
there.  

Clerk:                     Just because you can see it
doesn't mean that we
have it.  It may be the same paint, but we only sell a
certain number of
gallons on any given weekend.  Oh, and by the way, the price
just went to
$12.

Customer:             What!  You mean the price just went up
while we were
talking!

Clerk:                     Yes sir.  You see, we change
prices and rules
thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually
walked out the
store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. 
Unless you want the
same thing to happen again, I would suggest that you get on
with your
purchase.  How many gallons do you want?

Customer:             I don't know exactly.  Maybe five
gallons.  Maybe I
should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.

Clerk:                     Oh no, sir, you can't do that. 
If you buy the
paint and then don't use it, you will be liable for
penalties and possible
confiscation of the paint you already have.

Customer:             What?

Clerk:                     That's right.  We can sell you
enough paint to do
your kitchen, bathroom, hall, and north bedroom, but if you
stop painting
before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation of our
tariffs.  

Customer:             But what does it matter to you whether
I use all the
paint?  I already paid you for it!

Clerk:                     Sir, there's no point in getting
upset; that's
just the way it is.  We make plans based upon the idea that
you will use all
the paint, and when you don't, it just causes us all sorts
of problems.

Customer:             This is crazy!  I suppose something
terrible will
happen if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!

Clerk:                     Yes, sir, it will.

Customer:             Well, that does it!  I'm going
somewhere else to buy
my paint.

Clerk:                     That won't do you any good, sir. 
We all have the
same rules.  Oh, and thanks for flying - I mean painting -
with our airline.

_______________________________________________
freebsd-questionsfreebsd.org mailing list
http://lists.freebsd.org/mailman/listinfo/freebsd-que
stions
To unsubscribe, send any mail to
"freebsd-questions-unsubscribefreebsd.org"

Permission to publish article

Thread: Permission to publish article