Nina asks us to discuss how to prevent events from occurring
that leave
mothers feeling assaulted.
Mostly I do what I would expect done to me....I ask before
touching. I ask
the mother before I touch her. I ask her if I can hold her
baby. I ask if
I can weigh her baby and I place that little sweet baby on
the scale as
gently as I would handle the most delicate piece of
crystal. Not because I think
babies are fragile, but because I think there is not need
to be cavalier and
casual with that little baby that momma loves so fiercely.
When she sees that
I am gentle and easy with her baby, she can trust I will be
gentle and easy
with her. I listen. I spend most of my time with moms
just listening and
watching and sharing what I observe. I stop immediately if
a baby is crying or
upset. Even before the mom would sometimes and listen to
the baby.
Lately, thanks to some of the posts on Lactnet I have tried
to sit on my
hands. Haha. Not always the first time, I do tend to at
least show her how to
position and hold her baby so he can latch himself more
easily--the whole
time explaining to her and to her baby what I am doing and
why. But, then, the
next feeding I literally sit on my hands. Or sometimes I
hold a doll and we
go through it together. I may move a finger back or just
remind her to move
back a bit. But the goal is, she is in charge of her body
and her baby and
they work it out together after I have explained what needs
to be done.
Sometimes this doesn't work, but with time and practice,
it does. In the end, I
cannot be there every 2 hrs.
I have been a LLL Leader longer than I have been an IBCLC,
and the one very
most important thing I have learned from LLL is that my
role is to encourage,
support, and empower the mother to trust herself. I can't
do that if I am
grabbing and shoving and her baby is screaming. She needs
to feel confident
and sure of herself when she leaves me. Always remembering
that mothers will
do best when they believe and know they can do this
themselves helps me as
much as all the skills and knowledge I have acquired over
the years. I teach
as I go and when they leave they know as much as I do about
what we just did
and why and how they will absolutely be able to do this
themselves. Sometimes
this means we just stop. We wait and start again later, or
she comes
another day. No rush.
How much of what we need to do for mothers to feel safe,
comfortable, and
able to accept what is offered probably varies mother to
mother. And, I can
imagine in some hospital settings it would be hard to
accomplish thanks to the
overload of patients to care for, the pressure for staying
on task and moving
on to the next. I have hours, not minutes, and that makes a
huge difference
in what I can do.
What about hospital based IBCLCs who are also working as
postpartum floor
nurses...not just "Only IBCLC" work? Doesn't
that change how much has to be
done and how much time is available? Isn't it always about
education and the
willingness to be educated and more importantly, the
openness to change?
Take care,
Pam MazzellaDiBosco, IBCLC
Florida
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