OT: Friday Humor (religious content)

In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah and said,
"Once again, the 
earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the
end of all 
flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along
with a few 
good humans"

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months
to build the 
Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping
in his 
yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the
rain! Where is the Ark ?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things
have changed. I needed a 
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about
the need 
for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've
violated the 
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and
exceeding 
the height limitations. We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board 
for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be
posted for 
the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead 
obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to
the sea. I 
told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would
hear 
nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on
cutting local 
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince
the 
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls -
but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group
sued me.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against
their will. 
They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it
was cruel 
and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
they'd 
conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed
flood.
I 'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human
Rights 
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for
my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card
status of 
most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I
have to hire 
only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm 
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered
species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years
for me to 
finish this Ark. "

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
rainbow 
stretched across the sky.  Noah looked up in wonder and
asked, "You 
mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me
to it."
   

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Two Tall Trees

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two
in it, but
here is one: Yes, it is true, I am sending a joke that is
very funny and
does not contain a single dirty word.

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the
woods. A
small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says
to the
birch, Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch? The
birch says he
cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the little sapling. The
birch says,
Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a
son of a
beech or a son of a birch?

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies,
It is
neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is,
however,the best
piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.

Wipe that smile off your face!!!

Don Guillett
SalesAid Software
dguillett1austin.rr.com

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Subject: some bad news



  We may be OLDER today than we've ever been before, but we
are YOUNGER than we'll ever be again!

  A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an
examination, sighed and said, "I've some bad news. You
have cancer,
and you'd best put your affairs in order.

  The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and
walk into the waiting room, where her daughter had been
waiting.

  "Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are
good, and
we celebrate when things don't go well. In this case, things
aren't
well. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a
martini."

  After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less
somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were
eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends,
who were
curious as to what the two were celebrating.

  The woman told her friends they were drinking to her
impending end. "I have been diagnosed with AIDS
,"The friends gave
the woman their condolences, and they had a couple of more
martinis.

  After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over
and
whispered, "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of
cancer, and
you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS."

  The woman said, "I don't want any of those bitches
sleeping
with your father after I'm gone.









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