Subject: ............ Kinds of Sex
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX: Two men were talking. "So,
how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security
sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not
enough to live on!"
LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in
bed and my husband
climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's
completely natural. I don't see what the
problem is." "The problem is," she
complained, "It wakes me up!"
QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and
asked his wife
during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you
never tell me when you
have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and
replied, "You're never
home!"
CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his
"manhood" was mangled and tornfro m his body.
His doctor assured him that
modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that
his insurance
wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered
cosmetic. The doctor
said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for
"medium, $14,000 for
"large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the
doctor urged him
to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their
options. The doctor
came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
"Well, what
have the two of you decided?" asked the
doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the
kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding
anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm
getting you a headstone
that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm
getting you a headstone reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
WOMEN'S HUMOR:
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said,
"This will make you
happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the
bedroom, I squirted it
all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
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