Re: OT: Funny Signs

The first guy is Offenbach early because he forgot his
Chopin Liszt.

> 
> From: "Daniel J. Matyola" <danmatyolagmail.com>
> Date: 2007/11/05 Mon PM 04:30:48 GMT
> To: pdmlpdml.net
> Subject: OT: Funny Signs
> 
> I wish I had photos of them, however:
> Not new, but a good collection of good oldies:
> <A few funny signs:
> At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30.
Offenbach sooner.
> At a number of US military bases: Restricted to
unauthorized personnel.
> At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
> At a Santa Fe gas station: We will not sell gasoline to
anyone in a
> glass container.
> At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next
blowout.
> At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg.
We want tows.
> At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash
condition.
> At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?
> At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what
you're looking for,
> you've come to the right place.
> At the electric company: We would be delighted if you
send in your
> bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
> At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning
to young ladies:
> If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If
you wear tight
> clothes, beware of the machinist.
> Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on
the road and stop
> reading these signs.
> Car Lot: The best way to get on your feet....Miss a car
payment.
> Church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith
lifted.
> Door of a plastic surgeon's office: Hello. May we pick
your nose?
> English Sign in German Cafe: Mothers, Please Wash Your
Hands Before Eating.
> Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
> In a Beauty Shop: Dye now!
> In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the
cafeteria. Socks can
> eat any place they want.
> In a cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments
here for more
> than 30 days will be disposed of.
> In a counselors office: Growing old is mandatory,
growing wise is optional.
> In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will
be false to you.
> In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs.
> In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.
> In a farmer's field: The farmer allows walkers to cross
the field for
> free, but be aware that the bull charges.
> In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
> In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
> In a hotel during a conference: For anyone who has
children and
> doesn't know it, there is day care on the first floor.
> In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please
remove all your
> clothes when the light goes out.
> In a Los Angeles clothing store: Wonderful bargains for
men with 16
> and 17 necks.
> In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every
night but Sunday.
> In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and
weekends.
> In a New York medical building: Mental Health
Prevention Center
> In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our
waitresses rude ought
> to see the manager.
> In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume
you are on fire
> and take appropriate action.
> In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from
picking
> flowers from any but their own graves.
> In a Podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels.
> In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be
hungry, come in and get fed up.
> In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car
> In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's
wool suits -
> $100 - They won't last an hour!
> In a Texas funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
> In a veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes.
Sit! Stay!
> In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order.
Please use floor below.
> In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty
the teapot and
> stand upside down on the draining board.
> In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder
yesterday
> kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
> In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel - NO END
> In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read
this, it's
> time to wash your car.
> In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully.
We'll wait.
> In the offices of a New Jersey loan company: Ask about
our plans for
> owning your home.
> In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last
person to leave
> please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
> In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill
your wife. Let
> our washing machine do the dirty work.
> In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go
elsewhere to be
> cheated, when you can come here?
> Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to
hear a pin drop.
> Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day.
> Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet
will tell you
> how to get lessons.
> Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross
the field for
> free, but the bull charges.
> On a butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.
> On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye
all by this
> door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft.
Please use side
> entrance)
> On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd
salesman, and the
> 2nd one just left.
> On a display of "I love you only" Valentine
cards: Now available in multi-packs.
> On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
> On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the
lowest
> possible prices and workmanship.
> On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.
> On a Music Teacher's door: Out Chopin.
> On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired
of the Episcopal Church
> On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband
fixed.
> On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please
knock hard ?
> bell out of order.)
> On a restaurant: Try our fish just for the halibut.
> On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
> On a Scientist's door: Gone Fission
> On a taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff.
> On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is
under water,
> this road is impassable.
> On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
> On an established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
Thirty-eight years on
> the same spot.
> On an United Airlines emergency exit row instruction
card: If you
> cannot read this card...
> On another Butcher's window: Pleased to meat you.
> On the door of a Computer Store: Out for a quick byte.
> On the door of a Music Library: Bach in a min-u-et.
> On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut: No
trespassing
> without permission.
> On the menu of a New Orleans restaurant: Blackened
bluefish
> On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be
prosecuted to
> the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy
> Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk
and sell antiques.
> Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in
town. Everyone welcome.
> Outside a farm: Horse manure, pre-packed bags, $10. Or,
o-it-yourself, $1.
> Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people.
> Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We
heard you coming.
> Outside a photographer's studio: Out to lunch; if not
back by five,
> out for dinner.
> Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town to
take a leak.
> Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything -
bicycles, washing
> machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a
wonderful
> bargain.
> Pizza shop slogan: 7 days without pizza makes one
Weak.
> Plumber: We repair what your husband Fixed.
> Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this
point will be
> drowned. By order of the District Council.
> Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children
and doesn't know
> it, there is a day care on the first floor.
> Sign at the psychic's Hotline: Don't call us, we'll
call you.
> This was seen on a car being towed by a large motor
home: I go where
> I'm towed to.
> Trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania:
Don't sleep
> with a drip call your plumber.
> -- 
> PDML Pentax-Discuss Mail List
> PDMLpdml.net
> http:/
/pdml.net/mailman/listinfo/pdml_pdml.net
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mike wilson wrote:

>The first guy is Offenbach early because he forgot his
Chopin Liszt.
>
oy.

dan -
I like  these even though most of them are _ intentionally _
 funny  

ann

>
>  
>
>>From: "Daniel J. Matyola"
<danmatyolagmail.com>
>>Date: 2007/11/05 Mon PM 04:30:48 GMT
>>To: pdmlpdml.net
>>Subject: OT: Funny Signs
>>
>>I wish I had photos of them, however:
>>Not new, but a good collection of good oldies:
>><A few funny signs:
>>At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30.
Offenbach sooner.
>>At a number of US military bases: Restricted to
unauthorized personnel.
>>At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one
weak.
>>At a Santa Fe gas station: We will not sell gasoline
to anyone in a
>>glass container.
>>At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next
blowout.
>>At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a
leg. We want tows.
>>At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash
condition.
>>At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?
>>At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what
you're looking for,
>>you've come to the right place.
>>At the electric company: We would be delighted if
you send in your
>>bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
>>At the entrance of the large machinery plant:
Warning to young ladies:
>>If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery.
If you wear tight
>>clothes, beware of the machinist.
>>Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on
the road and stop
>>reading these signs.
>>Car Lot: The best way to get on your feet....Miss a
car payment.
>>Church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your
faith lifted.
>>Door of a plastic surgeon's office: Hello. May we
pick your nose?
>>English Sign in German Cafe: Mothers, Please Wash
Your Hands Before Eating.
>>Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
>>In a Beauty Shop: Dye now!
>>In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the
cafeteria. Socks can
>>eat any place they want.
>>In a cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments
here for more
>>than 30 days will be disposed of.
>>In a counselors office: Growing old is mandatory,
growing wise is optional.
>>In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they
will be false to you.
>>In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs.
>>In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.
>>In a farmer's field: The farmer allows walkers to
cross the field for
>>free, but be aware that the bull charges.
>>In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
>>In a health food shop window: Closed due to
illness.
>>In a hotel during a conference: For anyone who has
children and
>>doesn't know it, there is day care on the first
floor.
>>In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please
remove all your
>>clothes when the light goes out.
>>In a Los Angeles clothing store: Wonderful bargains
for men with 16
>>and 17 necks.
>>In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing
every night but Sunday.
>>In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and
weekends.
>>In a New York medical building: Mental Health
Prevention Center
>>In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our
waitresses rude ought
>>to see the manager.
>>In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will
assume you are on fire
>>and take appropriate action.
>>In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited
from picking
>>flowers from any but their own graves.
>>In a Podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels.
>>In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be
hungry, come in and get fed up.
>>In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car
>>In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15
men's wool suits -
>>$100 - They won't last an hour!
>>In a Texas funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway
plan.
>>In a veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5
minutes. Sit! Stay!
>>In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order.
Please use floor below.
>>In an office: After the tea break, staff should
empty the teapot and
>>stand upside down on the draining board.
>>In an office: Would the person who took the step
ladder yesterday
>>kindly bring it back or further steps will be
taken.
>>In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel - NO END
>>In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't
read this, it's
>>time to wash your car.
>>In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive
carefully. We'll wait.
>>In the offices of a New Jersey loan company: Ask
about our plans for
>>owning your home.
>>In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last
person to leave
>>please see that the perpetual light is
extinguished.
>>In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't
kill your wife. Let
>>our washing machine do the dirty work.
>>In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go
elsewhere to be
>>cheated, when you can come here?
>>Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to
hear a pin drop.
>>Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day.
>>Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this
leaflet will tell you
>>how to get lessons.
>>Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to
cross the field for
>>free, but the bull charges.
>>On a butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.
>>On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter
ye all by this
>>door. (This door is kept locked because of the
draft. Please use side
>>entrance)
>>On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd
salesman, and the
>>2nd one just left.
>>On a display of "I love you only"
Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
>>On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is
expensive.
>>On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers
the lowest
>>possible prices and workmanship.
>>On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.
>>On a Music Teacher's door: Out Chopin.
>>On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and
tired of the Episcopal Church
>>On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband
fixed.
>>On a repair shop door: We can repair anything.
(Please knock hard ?
>>bell out of order.)
>>On a restaurant: Try our fish just for the halibut.
>>On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
>>On a Scientist's door: Gone Fission
>>On a taxidermist's window: We really know our
stuff.
>>On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign
is under water,
>>this road is impassable.
>>On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your
shorts.
>>On an established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
Thirty-eight years on
>>the same spot.
>>On an United Airlines emergency exit row instruction
card: If you
>>cannot read this card...
>>On another Butcher's window: Pleased to meat you.
>>On the door of a Computer Store: Out for a quick
byte.
>>On the door of a Music Library: Bach in a min-u-et.
>>On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut:
No trespassing
>>without permission.
>>On the menu of a New Orleans restaurant: Blackened
bluefish
>>On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will
be prosecuted to
>>the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy
>>Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk
and sell antiques.
>>Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco
in town. Everyone welcome.
>>Outside a farm: Horse manure, pre-packed bags, $10.
Or, o-it-yourself, $1.
>>Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced
people.
>>Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We
heard you coming.
>>Outside a photographer's studio: Out to lunch; if
not back by five,
>>out for dinner.
>>Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town
to take a leak.
>>Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything -
bicycles, washing
>>machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get
a wonderful
>>bargain.
>>Pizza shop slogan: 7 days without pizza makes one
Weak.
>>Plumber: We repair what your husband Fixed.
>>Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing
this point will be
>>drowned. By order of the District Council.
>>Seen during a conference: For anyone who has
children and doesn't know
>>it, there is a day care on the first floor.
>>Sign at the psychic's Hotline: Don't call us, we'll
call you.
>>This was seen on a car being towed by a large motor
home: I go where
>>I'm towed to.
>>Trucks of a local plumbing company in NE
Pennsylvania: Don't sleep
>>with a drip call your plumber.
>>-- 
>>PDML Pentax-Discuss Mail List
>>PDMLpdml.net
>>http:/
/pdml.net/mailman/listinfo/pdml_pdml.net
>>to UNSUBSCRIBE from the PDML, please visit the link
directly above and follow the directions.
>>    
>>
>
>
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ann sanfedele wrote:

> mike wilson wrote:
> 
> 
>>The first guy is Offenbach early because he forgot
his Chopin Liszt.
>>
> 
> oy.

Sorry.  I've been waiting decades to use that.

> 
> dan -
> I like  these even though most of them are _
intentionally _  funny  
> 
>

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