Need ideas how to get my wifes and my life back

Here is the short story...

My wife and I felt madly in love six years ago. We moved
from different
parts of the world to live together in a new place where I
had my new
job. She brought two sons in the relationship - they are now
19 and 21
and one moved out of the house (the younger).

First I felt completely overwhelmed and was chatting to
other women on
the internet without ever meeting any of them. My wife went
crazy about
it and I stopped but started again 2 more times. I think
this was just
my safe harbor because I felt overwhelmed by the big family
I came into
(fyi: my complete family over 4 generations was 9 people).
About two
years ago I decided that it is more important to have my
wife than to
have my chatting and since then I did not chat any more.

In addition we had as a family several incidents with
international
travels (her mom and I both got stuck at the US border at
different
times - both with valid documents to enter the US; it took
me two weeks
before they let me home, her mom 2 years before she could
visit - will
not go into details of this), a company stole a lot of money
from us
(yes, we won in court, but there is no chance to get the
money back),
kids got harassed from the school, etc. We are remodeling a
house but
run out of money because it was stolen.

Here is the current situation:

I work and try to provide the security for living. I have to
travel a
lot in my job - nationally and internationally.

One son moved out and does not talk with us any more.

Second son lives at home with his girlfriend.

My wife does not have any willingness for life any more. She
left work
to helpo with remodeling. Currently we barely talk. Our life
is the
life aside of each other instead of together. She does not
trust me.
And she is talking a lot about moving somewhere else, not
having the
power to do anything, not willing to work, etc. She does not
trust me
any more but she is still loving me (I feel it and she can
not hide it
all of the time).

My big concern is her. What can I do to allow her to enjoy
life again.
I love her a lot and I am panicking myself when I see her.
Any idea is
welcome.

Thanks!


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Sounds like you have had a lot happen in a short period of
time. Moving
from one city to another is stressful enough, pulling up
roots and
taking kids from their friends. But going to other parts of
the world
is especially stressful. I'm wondering if everyone got a
chance to
think/talk this through before it happened. Kids especially.
Sounds
like a lot of anger coming to the surface. This chatting
with other
women...you make it sound innocent but come on. What wife
wouldn't take
an axe to you over this. Let's get real here. It's like a
man's
obscession with pornography. Who does it hurt? Your wife and
family. If
I were married to you, I would surely wonder if you were
faithful to me
on the road. You have taken her away from all that she knew
and left
her with nothing. What would you consider
"innocent" and might you even
cross the line? If I couldn't trust you at home, I wouldn't
trust you
out on your own. And with no support system for your wife in
her new
home, she is sinking farther and farther into herself. You
must sit
down and talk but I think it's gone to far to do alone. You
need a
third party, a counselor, to help you work out your
differences before
it's too late. I'd panic too. I'd worry that my wife might
become so
depressed and see no way out of her situation. Run to the
phone and
make an appointment.


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