I DONT WANT 2 ACCEPT IT

I draw very well. I also paint in oils. I have not
drawn for at least 3years. My family says I get my
drawing talent from my mothers father. Also they say I
am so like grandpa. I AM NOTHING LIKE HIM. HE ABUSED
ME AT 7 AND THEN AT 17. I am 23 now.


 
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Megan--

There may come a time in order for you to figure out who you
are
separate and apart from your family that you break off all
communication with your family.  Talking with your family
seems to
cause you so much distress.  I'm not saying that you have to
break off
communication--but sometimes taking a break is really
helpful.

There were a couple of times when I had to break off
communication
with my family. It was not easy--and it cause me great
pain.
According to them, I didn't care about my family.  That was
so far
from the truth.  But I needed space to figure out where they
ended and
I began.

The first time I did this, I stopped going home to my
parents' home.
I stopped calling them.  I stopped answering my phone. 
They
occasionally came to my apartment and waited me out--but I
didn't
answer the door.

They still don't understand why I cut off communication. 
It's not
worth explaining anymore--they simply don't get it.

You can change your parents--the only person you have
control over is
your self.

You can do this.

If drawing or painting bring you pleasure--then try that. 
Sometimes I
find it calming.  Just because you draw or paint doesn't
mean that you
are like your grandfather.  It simply means that you have
some talents
and some natural inclinations.  You don't have to accept the
meaning
that your family assigns to those things. You can create
your own
meaning.

beckie

On 2/1/07, Megan Wilken <meggiehwyahoo.com> wrote:
>
> I draw very well. I also paint in oils. I have not
> drawn for at least 3years. My family says I get my
> drawing talent from my mothers father. Also they say I
> am so like grandpa. I AM NOTHING LIKE HIM. HE ABUSED
> ME AT 7 AND THEN AT 17. I am 23 now.
>
>

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Many survivors express themselves, their pain and abuse
through the 
arts. I am a writer now. I have a HUGE part of my childhood
missing. 
The result for me is that I can't stand to be around small
children. 
But...I've been able to pick up enough pieces to write
books.  A 
therapist said she could see my issues in my writing. I used
to come 
home from group and take out my anger on my characters. They
bore it 
well and are none the worse for it. Their wounds don't show!
I did the 
cutting and the bruising. But not for a lot of years. My
faith holds me 
together more than anything else. I have a greater deposit
of God in me 
than I do wounding. Now, I understand that many survivors
have a 
distaste for God. The ultimate question: Where were you when
I was 
being abused? Why didn't you stop it? And the answer is...I
don't know. 
I've heard it all, from "right beside you
sweetie," which I found NOT 
helpful...to...Man has the freedom of choice. When I get to
Heaven, I'm 
going to have some questions and the good thing is, God can
take it. He 
can take all your wrath and anger and not get mad. Not turn
away. I'm 
49 now. Do not let the bitterness and hate seep into your
body. 
Somehow, you have to find a way to throw it away from you.
Don't let 
the abuser have the control that ruins your life, the rest
of your life 
from this moment forward. There is an awesome artist within
you. Let 
her live. Feed her. Let her grow. Screw the library courses.
Do what 
feels right for YOU. Paint. Draw. Express. The world is
waiting with 
baited breath for what you will produce.


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Megan- A lot of your conflicts are a result of some popular
(but
completely false) beliefs. I'm a psychologist and scientist;
father
and grandfather. First, on something like artistic talent-
it is a
result of heredity and training. In heredity it is the
result of
several genes working together. That makes it virtually
impossible to
inherit it from one or two ancestors. Your and your
grandpa's ability
are pure chance. As for child abuse, that is a  perpetuation
of a
pattern of abuse. Either someone abused grandpa or he had to
watch a
sibling being abused. You are not likely to abuse your
child--but
watch out who you marry. There are subliminal
characteristics that you
could pick up on and get you involved with men "like
grandpa". I am a
dry alcoholic, my two older daughters choose alcoholics for
partners;
the older girl (now 46) has had an unbroken sting of 8. Hang
in there
you are your own person.  michael

On Feb 1, 10:25 pm, Megan Wilken <meggi...yahoo.com> wrote:
> I draw very well. I also paint in oils. I have not
> drawn for at least 3years. My family says I get my
> drawing talent from my mothers father. Also they say I
> am so like grandpa. I AM NOTHING LIKE HIM. HE ABUSED
> ME AT 7 AND THEN AT 17. I am 23 now.
>
>
____________________________________________________________
_______________­_________
> Be a PS3 game guru.
> Get your game face on with the latest PS3 news and
previews at Yahoo! Games.
http://videogames.yahoo.com/platform?platform=120121


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