The ROOM

Hi, I do not think my parents know the impact of abuse
had on me.-grandpa on moms side, i am 23 now- it
happened in grandparents house with my mom there
drinking tea. When i told -i wrote it down actually-
she told me to sit down and drink tea with grandma and
her. NO immediate action was taken. I am not forced
but i make parents happy by visiting the place where
it happened. I cant go into the room where it happened
but i have to sit with the abusers company. This is
causing me to fear lifts.


 
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Megan,

You cannot make your mother comprehend the impact of your
abuse--especially if she wants to deny it.  You are only
able to
control one person and that is yourself.  You can't make her
protect
you or acknowledge the fact that she failed to protect you.

You are now 23--you are the same age as your mom--Adult. 
You don't
have to keep going to your grandparents home.  You can stop
going.
You don't have to keep torturing yourself.  If you need
permission to
stop torturing yourself, I'll give you permission.

If your parents are happy because you visit your
grandparents'
home--and that is the only thing that makes them
happy--their
perception of the world is skewed.

I get that you want your parents love and approval--that is
a natural
thing to want.  But unless they give it willingly and
unconditionally,
there is nothing you can do to make them give it to you. 
You have to
learn to give love and approval to your self from within
yourself.

I have felt similar to you in many respects and these
lessons are
tough and hard to learn.

But once I learned that going home to my parents house made
it so I
didn't feel suicidal as often, I stopped going home to
visit.  It
wasn't easy.  I felt horrendously guilty.  But those
feelings
eventually went away and it helped my recovery process
immensely.

Take care as best you can and go gentle with yourself.

beckie

On 2/11/07, Megan Wilken <meggiehwyahoo.com> wrote:
>
> Hi, I do not think my parents know the impact of abuse
> had on me.-grandpa on moms side, i am 23 now- it
> happened in grandparents house with my mom there
> drinking tea. W

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