A SIN

Is it a sin that the whole flippin world should know I
AM IN THERAPY. My mother is having a fit. Maybe if I
KEEP DEAD QUIET GO INTO AN EGO STATE OF COMPLETE
SILENCE THEN PERHAPS SHE WIL STOP!!


 
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I am sorry your mother is reacting this way that you are in
therapy
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Megan Wilken" <meggiehwyahoo.com>
To: <The-Journey-Insidegooglegroups.com>
Sent: Wednesday, February 21, 2007 9:32 AM
Subject: [The Journey Inside] A SIN


>
> Is it a sin that the whole flippin world should know I
> AM IN THERAPY. My mother is having a fit. Maybe if I
> KEEP DEAD QUIET GO INTO AN EGO STATE OF COMPLETE
> SILENCE THEN PERHAPS SHE WIL STOP!!
>
>
>
>
____________________________________________________________
________________
________
> Looking for earth-friendly autos?
> Browse Top Cars by "Green Rating" at Yahoo!
Autos' Green Center.
> http://autos.yah
oo.com/green_center/
>
> >


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I just keep re-reading your exact words there and it seems
like you're 
not eating is a way to just disappear so your mother can't
"harrass" 
you any longer.  It's the opposite of what I did with my
abuse, grow so 
big that maybe that would keep me from being touched. I
tried fading 
into the walls. I tried being the "good" girl. And
you know, none of it 
works and just destroys that person that Megan really is. I
would guess 
you are so disconnected from who you are that you don't know
the woman 
in the mirror. And you ARE a woman now.

Funny, there was a time when people used to BRAG about being
in 
therapy! Cocktail conversation would go, "My analyst
says....blah, 
blah, blah..."  My response to mom would be, "Get
over it. I'm okay 
with it."  You're doing something very positive for
yourself.  If you 
had a big tumor on your back, would she hide you in the
closet?  It's 
time to come out of hiding. The old line, "You're only
as sick as your 
secrets," really is true.

But you sound really frustrated and you know my standard by
now....get 
out in nature. Get GROUNDED.  You get grounded
with.....GROUND!!! Get 
out of the house, the sterile man-made environment and get
into nature. 
Take a walk. Breathe the air. HUG A TREE!!!! (they like them
too!) In 
Native American culture, something I'm learning right now,
Earth is 
considered Mother. So, get out with Mother. Talk to HER.
She's waiting 
to listen and she talks back too. Nicely. With birdies.

Cynthia


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Hi Megan,
I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm guessing that your mom
grew up
in the same generation as mine and those subjects were and
are
TABOO!!!.   When I was in the hospital the first time and
subsequently
therapy, my parents never talked about it. So I stopped
going to
therapy, and for the next 17 years I did my very best to
make them
forget that I had ever "been a problem".  I got
silent Megan and it
damn near killed me.  When I started going back to therapy I
was
afraid to tell them.....my sister even said i was being
selfish
because my mother was very, very sick with cancer.  Well I
had my own
type of cancer and it was literally killing me.  I'm not
silent and I
am not ashamed anymore.( Except maybe with my father, but I
do talk
with him about things I am just not as open.)  Part of my
therapy is
talking with people and trying to educate them. Whether it
is the
person who is needing the help or the family and friends of
that
person.  I encourage you not to be silent, but in the same
regaurd try
and keep your calm and "silently educate your mother,
if you think
that might work better.  I would tell my dad, I had
something for him
to read, and then give him lterature or books on bi-polar or
s/i.  It
gave us a point to talk and he began to see the importance
of
therapy.  Now if I can just convince him that I need my
meds.  As he
thinks I'm better off without them.  Educating people is a
sloooooow
process.  Especially with parents I think, because they tend
to wonder
what they did wrong.  And sometimes they don't want to
believe they
may of had a part in it, and other times they simply don't
realize
it's not about them.
Hope I am not way off base here with your situation and I
hope this
helped some.
Aimee

On Feb 21, 7:32 am, Megan Wilken <meggi...yahoo.com> wrote:
> Is it a sin that the whole flippin world should know I
> AM IN THERAPY. My mother is having a fit. Maybe if I
> KEEP DEAD QUIET GO INTO AN EGO STATE OF COMPLETE
> SILENCE THEN PERHAPS SHE WIL STOP!!
>
>
____________________________________________________________
_______________­_________
> Looking for earth-friendly autos?
> Browse Top Cars by "Green Rating" at Yahoo!
Autos' Green Center.http://autos.yah
oo.com/green_center/


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I believe cancer comes from something "eating away at
you" that you 
don't find a way to process, through something beneficial
like therapy. 
I always say that meds make me feel normal....neither high
nor 
low....just NORMAL, which is the only way I can deal with an
issue. How 
can I process something if I'm crying all the time? Now, my
case was 
quite different. People addressed my wounds as me being
"clumsy".  I 
didn't remember my abuse until I was working in a mental
health 
facility and in the midst of a conference with my co-workers
and 
suddenly realized they were talking about ME. Now, how do
you NOT fall 
apart in front of 200 co-workers and collegues?!  I confided
in one 
co-worker, my supervisor, who was wonderful, and she started
me on 
journaling. The good news is that because I was a
facilitator, I 
already HAD tools in my tool bag for coping and processing.
Plus we got 
to attend a lot of conferences and training with wonderful
people like 
John Bradshaw. I still remember that first time she took me
to see him 
and then as we got out of the car she confided that it was 
experiential. I had thought I'd sit in a chair all day
taking notes, 
not breaking up into small groups to process stuff!!! I left
those as a 
wet dishrag. But I got better. You have to find a way to
release the 
pain that isn't destructive. I will always tell you that
Mother/Nature 
is the most gracious cure. You can hug a tree all day. The
tree likes 
it. And you don't have to explain anything to the tree.
There is a 
healing vibration that comes from the ground. It's
approaching 80 here, 
so I have the luxury of going barefoot now, but do so when
you can. 
Plant something. I have a little garden started in paper
cups like we 
did as Girl Scouts back in the day. It's exciting to check
those cups 
every day and see what's going on, talking to them,
encouraging them. 
It's a way to feel bigger and at the same time, part of
something 
bigger than you. Growing some of the foods you will eat is a
way of 
feeling connected.  I've got ONE tomato already on a plant.
I'm sooooo 
thrilled.

And Megan, you're the artist, right? Pick up your brushes
and start 
painting your pain. Draw it. What does it look like? Draw
what it looks 
like to live in your house. Draw the house you'd like to
live in. I 
write now. I create worlds I'd like to live in. Men I'd like
to meet. 
Heroes. Adventures. Go to an art museum and think about what
was going 
on for the painter to create the work that he/she did. I
like going 
down to the art museum in Sarasota, the Ringling Museum. The
Dutch 
Masters show a lot of darkness and I hurry through those
rooms. 
Depressing. But those Italians!!! OH MY!! The color, line,
joy in their 
work! They expressed!!!

Anyway....got to go tend to my garden. I am preparing a plot
for my cup 
garden so when the time is right....they are planted. Talk
to you 
later.


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