We've all read the books to try to understand what's going
on with us.
I wore out my library card reading them. And now everything
is on the
internet. Although I learned the most from John Bradshaw's
books.
Sounds like you are stuck in emergency mode. You're a
long-tailed cat
in a room full of rockers. Chances are that you cannot get
out of
emergency mode until you find a way to leave home. You
might want to
look into going into a shelter. In emergency mode, you
cannot get
grounded. You are always in ready position to fight or
flight and for
you, you are picking flight. Hiding. Wasting away. Your body
was not
meant to live in such intensity. You're always
hypervigilant, sleeping
with one eye open, if at all. Waiting for the next shoe to
drop. There
is no peace.
Is there anywhere else to live? A relative that you trust? A
friend? A
shelter? Even temporarily? Could you plan to go AWAY to
school next
quarter? Do you have a job? Take one thing at a time.
Laundry is not
that difficult but this is something you CAN ask your mother
to help
you with. "Mom, how do you work the washer? I think
it's time I learned
how to do my own clothes." That would be one proactive
step in the
right direction, towards independence.
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