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List Info
Thread: Re: My turn
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| Re: My turn |
 
United States |
2007-05-22 14:12:11 |
Sad_tony, i can sympathise with you man. Sorry about
all your loses. Im hear for you just like you were for
me. Megan
--- The-Journey-Inside googlegroups.com
<antonyguidogmail.com> wrote:
>
> Hi Everybody,
> I'm usually the voice of reason and have a lot of
tools I usually
> rely on but right now I'm feeling very, very low. I
have lost six
> people that mean a lot to me so far this year, and
they died from
> everything from cancer, heart disease, alchoholism
and old age. Then
> as if I'm not feeling bad enough about that but my
own body is
> starting to rebel against me and for a nice nightly
cap I'm having
> remorseful memories about things that I thought I
had already put to
> rest.
> Needless to say I feel a little overwhelmed. I
just want to crawl
> into a corner, turn off all the lights ( maybe I
should even reverse
> that order ) and cry cry cry. My wife gets very
frustrated when I
> mention anything about being depressed and she
actually gets
> vehemently angry at me about it. I can't say as I
blame her, she has
> been through it for many years and has stood by me
every step of the
> way. The one thing she doesn't seem to get though is
that this is an
> ongoing condition and I may seem alright for a long
time but there is
> no known cure for it, just tools to help me lessen
it's effects.
> I love life and the world in which we live but
when my body hurts
> ( body memories from abuse and rape at the hands of
my siblings and
> parents ) and my mind reels from the unfairness of
society and what
> portends to be a caste system in our otherwise free
and just country,
> I would love nothing more than to feel the freeing
presence of death.
> To escape to a nether world where I feel the sheer
joy and rapture of
> nothingness.
> Sorry if this is heavy, I just need to vent and
have nowhere else
> to turn. Don't take anythig to heart, I will find a
way to pick myself
> up, brush myself off and get back on that merry old
bicycle called
> life. Love brothers, love sisters, love those that
have not made up
> their minds which they are yet.....May peace be with
you all,
>
> Mr Ben Z.
>
>
>
>
____________________________________________________________
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| Re: My turn |
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2007-05-22 15:28:26 |
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Megan,
Thank you. I know it's going to be alright but until then I hurt. My back aches from carrying the weight of the world. My ass is chapped from the ignorance of those around me whom proclaim to be my superiors but are as ignorant as the day is long. My heart aches to hear the voices of those I love and no longer have in my presence. My arms hurt from being bound, it's one of those memories from growing up and come to the forefront when I am depressed. My face feels as if it is not my own for I must smile through these times of adversity. I am a professional and cannot allow those around me to see my pain. My stomach churns and I cannot eat yet in order to salve the pain I tend to gorge myself to the point of bursting. If permitted I would lie in bed and veg all day, but alas and alack that is not permitted..... Grow up Ben, When are you going to be a responsible adult? There is too much to do in a day to let yourself go.....Get up you lazy bum, bills to pay, plants to sow, grass to cut, walls to paint, cars to fix! No time for you, only me, me, me.
I'm sorry, if this is too much to bear just delete me. I need to vent some anger and frustration and don't have a doctor or therapist. You are kind to care and I appreciate you taking the time to hear me out. I will say a prayer for you, for there is great power in prayer and even if there is no God to hear the rantings of a lunatic it is a scientific fact that some healing force come with positive thoughts.
; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; Peace be with you,
; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; Mr. Ben Z.
On 5/22/07, Megan Wilken < meggiehwyahoo.com">meggiehwyahoo.com> wrote:
Sad_tony, i can sympathise with you man. Sorry about
all your loses. Im hear for you just like you were for
me. Megan
--- The-Journey-Insidegooglegroups.com">The-Journey-Insidegooglegroups.com
< antonyguidogmail.com">antonyguidogmail.com> wrote:
>;
> Hi Everybody,
> ; I9;m usually the voice of reason and have a lot of
tools I usually
> rely on but right now I'm feeling very, very low. I
have lost six
> people that mean a lot to me so far this year, and
they died from
> everything from cancer, heart disease, alchoholism
and old age. Then
> as if I'm not feeling bad enough about that but my
own body is
> starting to rebel against me and for a nice nightly
cap I'm having
>; remorseful memories about things that I thought I
had already put to
> rest.
> ; Needless to say I feel a little overwhelmed. I
just want to crawl
> into a corner, turn off all the lights ( maybe I
should even reverse
> that order ) and cry cry cry. My wife gets very
frustrated when I
> mention anything about being depressed and she
actually gets
> vehemently angry at me about it. I can't say as I
blame her, she has
> been through it for many years and has stood by me
every step of the
> way. The one thing she doesn't seem to get though is
that this is an
> ongoing condition and I may seem alright for a long
time but there is
> no known cure for it, just tools to help me lessen
it's effects.
> I love life and the world in which we live but
when my body hurts
> ( body memories from abuse and rape at the hands of
my siblings and
> parents ) and my mind reels from the unfairness of
society and what
> portends to be a caste system in our otherwise free
and just country,
> I would love nothing more than to feel the freeing
presence of death.
>; To escape to a nether world where I feel the sheer
joy and rapture of
> nothingness.
> Sorry if this is heavy, I just need to vent and
have nowhere else
> to turn. Don't take anythig to heart, I will find a
way to pick myself
>; up, brush myself off and get back on that merry old
bicycle called
>; life. Love brothers, love sisters, love those that
have not made up
> their minds which they are yet.....May peace be with
you all,
>
> Mr Ben Z.
>
>
>
>;
____________________________________________________________________________________
Food fight? Enjoy some healthy debate
in the Yahoo! Answers Food & Drink Q&A.
http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list&;sid=396545367
--~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "The Journey Inside" group.
To post to this group, send email to The-Journey-Insidegooglegroups.com
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to The-Journey-Inside-unsubscribegooglegroups.com
For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/The-Journey-Inside
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